4 – 6 – 18 Do Things that Feel Bad, it's Good!



In chronological order:

“When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord,
he tucked in his garment, for he was lightly clad,
and jumped into the sea.” – John 21

““By what power or by what name have you done this?”
Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, answered them,
“Leaders of the people and elders:” – Acts 4

“and he said, ‘Jesus, please give me strength today, please give me compassion, please help me to live the life you desire me to live’ and then stepped into the cold water coming from the shower faucet” – yesterday morning

There’s two really exciting concepts I see in all this. The first is that willingly exposing ourselves to discomfort can bring us closer to God and more quickly. The second is that those discomforts are often strengthening and invigorating.

I’ll start with the first scenario. I love the imagery of this reading, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m a morning person or I love campfires but it gives me a lot of pleasure just in the story and the scene it creates.

It’s funny to me that the disciples are doing exactly what they were doing before Jesus came, fishing, at the beginning of this reading. It almost seems as though they didn’t get anything out of it. I think it reflects two things though, that we live in the reality of the world (they still had to eat) and they were still very lost, these are not the Apostles of Acts who stand in front of the high priests and make a profession of faith. This is Peter who just denied Jesus three times in a couple hours during the Passion.

When Peter hears and realizes/believes that it is Jesus on the shore he jumps into the Sea of Tiberias. I’d have to assume the water was cold, given that it was dawn in an arid place. But he doesn’t hesitate to do as much as he can to get to Jesus as quickly as he can, which is inspiring. The disciples who come in the boat still reach Jesus, but more slowly.

Just so for us. If we can get out of our comfort zone we will find ourselves much more open to God, and thereby grow in our relationship with Him more quickly. I think that’s why retreats are so weird. Especially silent retreats. I’ve never been on one but I’d have to imagine part of the effectiveness of doing that would be the fact that it’s a bit of an ordeal.

We see the same thing out of Peter in front of the high priests and Sadducees. He could back down at this point, could stay in the boat, could play it safe. But he exposes who he really is, what he believes, to people he has no reason to believe will take kindly to what he’s saying. That is courageous. There are plenty of people who will jump into cold water, but to profess your deepest held beliefs in front of people who are most likely going to mock and scorn you?

How is he able to do this? To jump into the cold water, in one case physical and in one case spiritual? “Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, answered them.” “Jesus, please give me strength today.” It’s not explicitly stated in the Gospel but I think it’s quite clear Peter’s heart must have been absolutely burning with a desire to be near to Jesus when he leapt out of that boat.

So he’s not able to do it. But he is able to channel the power of God to overcome his own fears and limitations because he is pursuing a holy end. When I read Acts that’s what I see throughout most of it. These merely human people performing miracles. I’ve written before (link) about how the performance of miracles by mere fishermen is one of the most astonishing things about our faith; it’s about the most inspiring and empowering message I can imagine. (I've also got a song about this same concept).

So I think if we can practice getting uncomfortable, especially if it’s directly in pursuit of some holy thing, we’ll grow far more quickly. I’ve certainly seen this in my own life.
Taking cold showers in the morning starts me off with something I have no desire to do. Standing in front of the cold water that I know will make me feel better than a hot shower, but I don’t have the willpower to enter, is a great time to pray and ask God for strength that day.

I recently went to Confession for the first time in several years (probably the first time sincerely ever). Let me tell you, that is about as uncomfortable as you can possibly be. I’m telling my deepest fears and insecurities to a priest I’m praying doesn’t remember my name from seeing each other around the parish. To a certain extent even just the doing of that, trusting God and submitting to His will, was just as helpful as the actual Reconciliation sacrament.

I feel the same way about Adoration. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how to feel, I feel so inept and awkward. That’s how I know I’m supposed to be there, because it feels bad.

Do things that feel bad, it’s good.

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