7 – 25 – 17 Embarassment and Effort (4 minutes)

If I can finish all the songs I’ve got started right now I’ll be ready to put out an album finally. I think that realization is the reason that I’m finding it difficult to sit down and write lyrics when I have the music already made, or to sit down and make the music when I have the lyrics already made. I think that’s a pretty common issue though, this fear of completion. Because while it’s yet a work in progress it can’t, at least fairly, be judged. But as soon as we push submit, as soon as we say, “I have done all that I will do in regards to this” we’re opening ourselves up to criticism.

Because we either gave it our best effort or we didn’t. And either is a harrowing reality.

If we gave our best effort then any shortcoming in the resultant piece stems from a lack of talent on our part, we worry what our “finished” product will reveal about us. Our idiosyncrasies, our weaknesses, like just then I spelled idiosyncrasies wrong. I immediately spellchecked it rather than finishing my thought. We have this profound fear of being naked, of being evaluated, of being seen for what we truly are.

The way to get over this would be either to be okay with not being okay, or to start believing ourselves perfectly acceptable. As a Christian the latter is untenable, so I must submit to being okay with being embarrassed at my exposed weaknesses if I am to progress in this in any meaningful way. It is the example Christ sets for us. Can one be more exposed than to be “tried” publicly, tortured for sport, and then executed on top of a hill overlooking the greatest city in one’s country? Fear of embarrassment is an especially heinous form of cowardice, because that cowardice is protecting our pride.

We would hate to see the good opinion we have of ourselves, or others have of us, tarnished by our failings. We wish to maintain the delusion of our grandeur. I’ve heard, repeated, and still believe that to be humble, one must be humbled at least on occasion to learn what the virtue truly is.

The other reality is that we did not give our best effort. Now depending on which we hold more dear, our talent or our character/work ethic, this could be more or less horrible than the first. Sloth is not the worst of the sins, but it is a particularly troublesome one because it is less obviously heinous. Many fewer people will punish you for sloth than greed, avarice, or lust. Indeed, sloth is often condoned (in a way) on certain occasions whereas the occasions where other sins are condoned are, thankfully, less common. These times might be such as Sundays, Holidays, and vacations. I am by no stretch saying you should go into the office on Christmas Day, but socializing with your family, playing board games and talking, (relaxing while building relationships) are quite different from simply sitting in the same room together and watching the same television, with little awareness of each other. (closer to what I would think of as sloth) 

Some solutions I see to these issues are the following, in no particular order of effectiveness or correctness.

We could try to bolster our faith in, if not humanity, our peers. If we remember how generous of heart the people who will be consuming our work are we may be much less nervous about presenting yet simultaneously more committed to delivering a quality product as we feel a certain obligation to those who have paid us kindness.

This approach’s viability largely depends on the facts of the matter. I am not suggesting a contrived delusion whereby you begin to believe those who are indifferent love you and your enemies will come around very soon, I am suggesting an honest appraisal. If you really do have a robust support system around you that is interested in and supportive of your ventures, don’t forget it. If you are unlikely to be encouraged or praised by those you consider your friends, consider the next point.

Consider what God would call us to do. It is unlikely that your message will be as abrasive to those who hear it as Jesus’s or Paul’s was. Even they, who upset nearly everyone around them, were cared for by God, so why do you suppose He cannot protect you from the couple dozen people who may be upset with you for what you say? If you honestly believe it to be the truth, God’s truth, tell it. Fearlessly.

Throughout this journal when I begin to proselytize I start using a hypothetical you or we. I think it is just a more comfortable way of expressing myself than saying “I should.” I’ve tried to write these that way before and it feels uncomfortable, perhaps because it is less conversational and reminds me I’m essentially talking to myself.

(The album I mentioned in the first paragraph was released in August and is accessible at https://soundcloud.com/travis-dantzer/sets/sophomore)